Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
