Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
