Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
