Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
