Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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