I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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