her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
