So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
