i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
