Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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