i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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