so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
