i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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