I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
