8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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