ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
