420 ftw
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
