I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
