Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize