So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
