i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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