Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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