woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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