hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize