I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
