i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
