dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
