Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
