Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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