he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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