In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
