if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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