I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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