i wish starbucks made bloody marys
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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