Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
