My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
