Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
well you can't waste a boner
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
