Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
