I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize