I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize