I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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