There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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