So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Found your dick twin last night
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
