Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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