I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
