I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
