you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
