Only a mothe r could love this liver
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
