forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
