its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
