she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
