Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
