Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
