For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
