you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
