I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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