Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
