oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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