It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
