so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
