At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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