Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
