I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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