is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize