help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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