my mouth tastes like poor choices
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
